my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
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