Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
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