It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
