i think i have herpe
just one?
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
Randomize
