just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
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