Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Randomize
