Apparently you make a good broom.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
Well I just put wine in my tea
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Randomize
