i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
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Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
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Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
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