real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Randomize
