just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
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