omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
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