So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
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