4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Randomize
