I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
Randomize
