my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
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