need another drink. this is the easiest way
Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
