You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
Randomize
