Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
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