Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
Randomize
