saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Randomize
