I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
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