If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
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