Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
Why can't burritos get me drunk
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
Randomize
