You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
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