I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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