I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
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