the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
Randomize
