we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
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