No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
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