Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
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