remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
I am full of burrito and curiosity
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Randomize
