you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Randomize
