Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Randomize
