Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
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