i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
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