If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Randomize
