Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
My hand turned me down
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
