new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
