Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Randomize
