hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
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if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Randomize