I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
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