cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize