the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Randomize
