you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
Randomize
