I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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