dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
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