I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
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