I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
Randomize
