I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
Randomize
