This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Randomize
