She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
