Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
