walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
Randomize
