i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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