I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
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