im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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