He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
