i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
