Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
