he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
Randomize
