first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
