If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
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