he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize