i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
Randomize
