i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
try to milk me bitch
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
Randomize
