Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
