if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
Randomize
