All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
Randomize
